I'm doubting myself now.....my judgment, my motives, my perspective......over this past year or so..... Did I misunderstand? Was I being unfair? Was I (am I) a selfish bitch? (he didn't call me that, I'm just saying that about myself). Did he really give us everything he had to give (financially)? Was I being greedy? Are the hard times my own fault? Is my children's suffering because of ME? Is it all just because I was in denial and couldn't accept that he didn't want me anymore? Tonight, when I said that I was mad (before) that he stopped loving me, he said that he never stopped loving me, he just couldn't live with me anymore.
Okay, dammit......he abandoned me with 4 kids and was cheating on me! I think I had a right to be pissed and uncooperative and for my "give a damn" to be "busted". Oh, f%&* it. I'm going to bed. He left in a rental car and is going to PA to see his parents and then to......well...some very bad decisions.......... And I can't care anymore.
We didn't fight today though, so that's a plus. He wanted to talk to me a lot about things. I.........oh, I just don't know. I have to go to bed.
1 comment:
"couldn't live with you anymore" is code for "I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and I'm blaming you for it so I don't have to feel badly about abandoning 4 kids and putting myself first."
Don't doubt you. You're the one left holding the bag, and you're the one that's seeking God.
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