Doesn't Pay to Work

Okay, so I did some calculating about childcare expenses in light of my new job. The 2 kids after school program (for 2 hrs a day) is $85.00/wk plus a $50 registration fee. Plus, adding Aidan in daycare all day. So, I'm looking at about $160/wk or more in childcare expenses. I'm only going to be making about $250 or less a week after taxes. That means that over HALF of my paycheck is going to childcare. WTH? That leaves me $360 a MONTH to pay bills! My car payment alone is $345. I sure hope my lawyer lives up to her reputation. The Army says 'the man' only has to give me the $740/month partial BAH and nothing more. That pays the rent only....with $40 left over. And he gets to keep his entire paycheck plus the BAH differential.

::Sigh:: I'm not going to make it.

On top of it all, the Sears Wish Registry (Heroes at Home) didn't turn out quite as expected which is disappointing. I was counting on that. Okay, so on to Plan B...oh wait, that WAS Plan B. :-(

Bleh....I'm feeling all kinds of disappointed today. Got everything crossed off of my 'to-do' list (making bunches of appts and inquiries) but still feel overwhelmed with too many thoughts and things to coordinate. My life is such a tight puzzle. I can't make all the pieces fit and still stay within the parameters. It doesn't help that my mind and body aren't keen on cooperating. I seriously lose my train of thought MID SENTENCE. It's getting bad. I had a migraine for 2 days in a row, which always wears me down. Plus, I feel like I'm getting my yearly bronchitis because my chest feels heavy when I breathe.

I think I'll just take a nap with the baby and hope I feel better when I get up. I'm feeling too pessimistic. I just don't see how I can do this. My body is worn out and my brain is shot. I think when I wake up, I'm going to make a list of wonderful things that have happened this past week and wonderful things/people that are a part of my life.

One thing I know for sure, there's a lot of LOVE in my life. I have to remember that. We were watching tv last night and there was a commercial about the new show, "True Beauty". I made a comment about people thinking they are perfect. Olivia said, "but people are perfect". I disagreed. She looked so serious and said, "But Mom, YOU are perfect" I almost cried. Then she added, "I mean, look at your life....look at how LUCKY you are....you have FOUR children". Bless her sweet heart. I am so unworthy of those 4 precious gifts. I get so stressed out about making ends meet because I want them to have a GOOD and HEALTHY life full of love and not so much stress. There's just not enough of me to go around. I have to stand before God someday and give an account of the job I did with what He gave me. I want to hear, "well done, my good and faithful servant".

::SIGH:: I'm just going to bed. I'm feeling like a whiny butt. lol