This statement of his has been going over and over in my head (I'm so tired, though, that it sounds more like a record that's skipping and I'm too tired to get up and put the needle back on the right track. lol). I try to be someone who's easy to get along with but I know that I'm feisty and temperamental and head strong (I hear SOMEONE out there going, "YA THINK?!?"....you know who you are ;-) lol) but it has been bothering me that all the suffering my family is going through and the reason we got abandoned is because he "couldn't live with me anymore"....like am I such a god-awful woman that someone had to walk away from a family of 5 just to get some sanity?? I've dedicated the last 20+ years to being a homemaker (I started when I was 5. lol), building a nurturing place where people can relax, get refreshed, thrive and grow and feel oodles of love and security and laughter, etc. So if he said he can't LIVE WITH ME, I'm thinking that means I failed. But then I read Julie's comment today and although y'all probably already realized this, it just hit ME. lol (sometimes, I'm a little slow on the uptake.....you hush you who's shaking their head. ;-) ) . Here's what she said:
Julie (It is.) said..."couldn't live with you anymore" is code for "I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and I'm blaming you for it so I don't have to feel badly about abandoning 4 kids and putting myself first."
Don't doubt you. You're the one left holding the bag, and you're the one that's seeking God.
Ok, what was that I said about not blogging for awile? lol
1 comment:
It's so much easier to see with a balanced perspective when you aren't the one in the midst of the trial :)
Someday you're going to be someone else's support and perspective because you've lived it and made it through to the other side, and it's going to make all the difference in the world to them... and you'll look back on this experience and learn to value it instead of mourn over it, because it has made you stronger and wiser, and able to help someone else in their time of need. It's a redemption, of sorts, as well as a girding up for battle.
Who'd have known that armor pinched so much... :) Hugs, kiddo.
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