AGH!!

I gotta document this. Warning: Big VENT ahead. lol

You know, I was feeling bad when I decided to keep the settlement check (which is almost gone! agh!). But I got over it. Then today, I happened to look at my bank statement from October. I saw that the military allotment WASN'T $800.00, like "the man" said he set up (and which still wasn't enough). It was only $740.00! Just enough to pay the rent and the phone bill. No utilities. No food. No gas. No other bills. Nothing else the kids may need. Only PART of his housing allowance (which is almost $1,000 for this zip code)(it's the BAH partial) and HM, NONE of his paycheck. So HE gets the BAH difference AND ALL of his paycheck. ALL of his paycheck. He is putting out NO MONEY towards supplying for his kids. WTF? And he showed up here at the beginning of the month to boo hoo about how he had no choice but to go AWOL because he couldn't survive with the LITTLE BIT of money he was getting in his check and his debt load DUE TO TAKING CARE OF ME AND THE KIDS was sucking him dry. Um, yeah, right. Give me a f***ing break!

You know, it's not mine and the kids fault that he can't handle money or that he forgets to pay his bills until they pile up or that he waits til the last minute to do things and thus has to take out loans and doesn't have a system, but rather flies by the seat of his pants (OR, and I have to say this, it's not our fault that he has been an E5 for almost 6 years with no increase in pay).

BE A DAMN MAN ALREADY! It's expensive to try to run two households, isn't it, dear? I told him it would be cheaper to keep us than to leave us but he wouldn't listen. The freedom to pursue other women and to do whatever he wanted to do with "his" money was more important. He wanted to "just live his life" and not be accountable for his time but to do whatever he wanted with it. Well, huh. How's that workin' for ya, hon? Are ya happy? Bet it's getting mighty lonely without a home or a family. Whatever.

These kids didn't ask to be abandoned. They have a right to a roof over their heads (which we only have now because he had to get strong armed by the Army to make it happen....at the last minute). He likes to brag (and actually believes this himself) that he had to take out so many loans to get us into a house and oh, what a wonderful person he is for that. BS! He had to take out loans because if he was a freakin MAN, he wouldn't have pulled a knee-jerk reaction and would've done it when the money was there instead of retaining a lawyer (who, from my perspective, hasn't done a damn thing to make life "better" or "richer" for "the man"). The kids have a right to electricity and water and sewer and a PHONE (which we didn't have for a month). They have a right to FOOD and gas in the car to get them to school and church and wherever they need to go..................

*Sigh* My dander's gettin' up so I'm going to stop. It is what it is.....just another piece to the puzzle. Sometimes, I think, "wow, he has changed so much" then I realize that maybe it's not that he has CHANGED but that the "restraints" that kept his true colors from showing and his true nature from revealing itself are not present in his life anymore.