contemplating my navel

Not sure what to feel today. I have so many thoughts and emotions coursing through me in regard to a couple of things. I just need to be still, let it all settle and see what I've got. It's hard to see the lines of demarcation clearly when everything is all stirred up in me. Things are calm here on the home front. But affairs of the heart are muddied inside of me. I believe that it is all a part of me being redefined so I'm trying to lock in to a secure vantage point in order to prevent me from swirling around in whirlwind of confusion. I don't want to be led by my heart. It tends to lead me astray. I just want to rest in something solid that doesn't shift and change so often. I want to find that place of peace within me that is the eye of the storm....calm, no matter what is flying around me.....houses, cars, a cow or chicken or two, fence posts...... lol There's so much noise and busyness in my life. I feel like I have to constantly stay in decision-making mode. I just want to curl up somewhere quiet and rest....away from my kids (God knows they are my heart but I need a "sound" break. lol), away from this house (I am so thankful for this little house but tired just the same of constantly working in/on it), somewhere no one can find me, somewhere safe and secure.......so I can rest and recharge.

Lately, I've had this strong urge to break out the fishing poles and tackle box and just go on a quiet fishing trip to the lake nearby, by myself (then I talk myself out of it because I'm worried about the safety factor of being an "unprotected" woman). What keeps going through my head is that I need to "re-learn" how to fish. Strange. I know how to fish, no biggie there. But there's something else. Something God wants to show me or ingrain in me. Not sure what. Guess I'll just have to go fishing to find out, huh? :-)