thoughts

Having a sentimental moment. It's the country music, the glass of wine, the candles on the fireplace...... I'm just trying to unwind after a long week . Trying not to worry how I'm going to pay the bills. Trying not to stress about not finding a job. Trying not to wonder if my dreams will ever come true.

This marriage.....so much bad blood between us. It wasn't what I wanted it to be. THIS isn't what I wanted. The way it ended....the strife and the ruthless battles this past year......makes our years of marriage look rosy in comparison. Our romance....a figment of my imagination.....that's all it was..... he lived a lie....I have to remember that..... and I wanted to believe it......I NEEDED to believe it.....to admit to being unwanted when I had sacrificed so much?....well, that would be too gut wrenching..... so the rose-colored glasses stayed firmly in place.....as the resentment and bitterness festered like sewage. He said I was the only one he's ever been in love with. Doesn't look that way to me. Who knows what's really true?

Will love ever find me again? And if it does, will I be worthy of it? And will I recognize it or even believe it or trust it? More importantly.....will I be able to keep it from leaving me? My heart sinks as I hear a resounding "NO" on all of them.

I have to, as the Scripture says, "guard my heart with all diligence". I can't give it too easily. It is a gift. A precious gift. I am a Princess to the King of Kings. I have to remember that. He will always love me. He will always protect me. He will always want to spend time with me. He will always be there for me to catch me when I fall. HE will never leave me.