Very busy, stressful week. Went to court, did well, kept the no contact order in place with modifications which were that we could hand off the kids to each other because they need to spend time with him. Plus, we need to discuss clearing the house and separating everything so we can do that now with a mediator. So the judge appointed my chaplain who sadly, we found out after the fact, is out of town for awhile. He gave me the name of the other chaplain but I have left message after message with no response at the main headquarters because I don't have a direct number for him. Clinton had scheduled for the movers to come on Monday to pack everything and on Tuesday (Liam's birthday!) to load the truck and take our household goods to........... nowhere. I don't have anywhere to go. Clinton said that he won't sign as the primary on the house. Said he got legal counsel advising against that. No one will rent to me because I still dont' have a job (despite great effort) and I dont' have a down payment. My counselor, bless her heart, is a Good Samaritan and offered to rent the house as the primary AND put the money down to get us in. The problem is that the real estate owner, who manages the property for someone, has to clear it with the owners, who he hasn't been able to get in touch with, because as a general rule, they don't let someone be the primary if they don't live in the house.

It is Friday and things need to happen ASAP. So I have a cosigner and I have someone putting up the money to get in and I have the BAH 2 that will cover each month's rent BUT I can't get the approval of the owner yet. Yup, it just seems like it would be easier to let the stress win out and have a break down and wind up on the 6th floor of Womack for a long rest. But I would never do that. It's just that a long break sounds wonderful right now. I hope there's a weekend at the spa awaiting me at the end of this ordeal. It feels like someone has a remote control going off in my head and they keep flipping the channels and I just want to scream, "Just settle on a damn station already!" and there's the other lovely feeling of having a bunch of fish hooks in my jaw and everybody or every stressfull situation has the other end of the line and I'm being jerked constantly in different directions. And no, this is not A.D.D. ...... this is having too much on my plate!

The kids are watching, "Pooh's Grand Adventure", and I love this line that Christopher Robin said to Pooh Bear:

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"

Yeah, I think that's going to wind up on a scrapbook page someday. lol

My buddy, SGM Superman, said to me (when I was lamenting that I'm not strong enough for this task): "You ARE strong. You're stronger than you think. What you're NOT is very smart..."(yeah, I was thinking, 'ok, buddy, you were doing real good there for a minute...' lol). Then he said that the way that I'm not being smart is in my self-defeatist attitude. I let myself think negatively about myself and it shuts me down and keeps me from taking care of things efficiently. So he gave me a good pep talk and I had a decent positive mental attitude when I hung up (which is always the case when I get done talking to him. It's nice to have people in my life whose expectation of me is that I'm competent and can do well instead of "the man's" attitude that expects me to be incompetent and screw up. I am blessed with many positive, encouraging people like that in my life who care about me). I wasn't going to let my counselor do that amazing thing for us regarding the house because well, my pride was having trouble with it and I am afraid I'll mess it up because I don't trust myself or my abilities right now. He said to me, "have you thought about the ramifications of turning down a Good Samaritan that God sent to help you? You keep praying for God's help to take care of your family and God answers in His way and you're going to turn that down?" Yikes. He's right.

As always, pray for me. I'm overwhelmed. On the plus side, Clinton has been taking the kids and I've had my house to myself.....a rare treat. He's taking them all day Saturday which will be AMAZING! I'm going to work hard in the beginning of the day, packing and purging and cleaning, etc. And hopefully, I will accomplish a lot so I can PLAY in the evening. Have no idea what I'm going to do or with what money but I know it is going to be AWAY FROM HERE and it's going to be FUN. I can only hope.