So here's to survival. This separation and impending divorce is really taking its toll on each and every one of us, including the "instigator". I try so hard to keep things on our normal routine and do family times, etc. but it's not always easy. Sometimes, it's near freakin impossible. Right now, I'm pretty much numb. Thought I had a lot to say on here because for sure a LOT has been going on - & each child & each parent has had a meltdown in the past few days - but I just feel numb and the words aren't coming to me. I try to find humorous things to distract me but I'm discovering that my sense of humor is taking a sinister twist and I'm not sure that's good. :-)
But, I'm told that 'numb' is good. It keeps me moving forward and prevents me from getting sidetracked from those debilitating emotions that make me want to choke the living sh!% out of someone. As long as I keep taking my meds, I've got a handle on things. lol
In all seriousness, though, what REALLY gets me through is prayer. They're not always "pretty" but I have peace deep down inside that God's got it under control. And secretly, I am glad that He doesn't listen to my "requests" to "zap him". lol I really, truly love my husband. It's just that sometimes, he hurts me so badly, I just want to run to my "Daddy" and tell him to beat up the bully for me. Then I realize that my husband isn't the bully, the enemy of our souls is. And he's beating him up just as much as he's beating me up. I just wish he and I could form a united front to protect our family. Someday.... I hope. "Fix what's broken, Lord, please".
3 comments:
well, you may be feeling numb but you still have a sense of humor and are articulate and in touch with your feelings. That's half the battle.
Best of luck to you!
. . .and sometimes it's US that needs the fixing.
I keep remembering that 4th verse to "Blessed Be Your Name. . ." 'Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering--though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.' and 'You give and take away. . .my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be YOUR name.'
This is one of those times where God IS going to be glorified -- maybe a bit down the road -- but he IS going to get the glory on this one. We just have to be patient and see it through.
Girl, I am believing right along with you.
Oh hon. I have no wisdom to share except to just get going. You and God will find you way, whatever that is.
LaWanna
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