Even Wonder Woman has flaws, right? Well, I'm about to confess my biggest one (which will be no surprise to most of you)....my house is out of control. Has always been that way. My dad used to call me, "Oscar", for either Oscar Madison from The Odd Couple or Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. Now, I have my moments where I clean like the President, himself, is coming over but for the most part.... clutter abounds.....dishes pile up.....things are hard to find. Like today, I started to pick up the LR, did a pretty good job but pooped out too soon. Sat down and wrote a letter to a friend, watched a nature show with Josiah, etc. Mind you, picking up the main living areas isn't that hard. It's just I get tired too quickly and I get so easily distracted. Funny how clean the house was while the kids were in Alabama. lol I took a day to put everything in order and give it a good cleaning.....and go figure....it stayed that way for 2 wks. lol I'm not saying that the kids trash the house ..... by themselves. It's just I lose my focus and energy way too quickly when they are around.
I'm glad to have all of my meds now but the lethargy and fatigue is still present. I think I have an infection in my tooth that's causing it. But no excuse. It's always something with me as far as keeping consistency in my home. I've made plans and schedules but don't stick to them. I've even read Fly Lady's book so many times that the cover is falling off. I've used her website and it's the same thing..... a matter of consistency and "stick-to-it-iveness". I'm tired or in pain a good bit of the time. My energy level still isn't what it should be. And as far as getting side tracked? People always come first to me. I don't mean that in a lack-of-boundaries kind of way. But I will give communication priority over housework. Okay, truth be told...people would probably be just fine without communication from me..... it's just that I NEED to communicate. lol Then there's the factor that I CLEAN for a living. I clean military hotel rooms at work and when I come home....yeah, I'm not feeling it.
So here comes the sobering thought part: I'm watching tv with Josiah and he asks if his girlfriend can come over for dinner. Immediately, what the Fly Lady calls, C.H.A.O.S. hit me (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)...... I peruse the room and surmise that we can pull that together, no problem. Same with the kitchen and the bathroom. But then I realize...I have to cook. See, I rarely cook anymore, even though I love to cook. This rental has an old stove from the '70's and at present, only one of the electric coils is working. Then there's the fact that most of my pots and pans didn't survive the move. They accidentally wound up in the trash during the move from hell (remember that, Ter? What a nightmare. I'm so glad I had you by my side. I think you kept me from going to jail....again. lol) And on top of it, I feel so run down like I'm coming down with a cold. But I can't tell him that she can't come over. He rarely invites anyone to this house (not like when we lived on Post) and he doesn't have the money to keep taking her out. It's a good thing that he wanted to bring her here, have dinner and watch movies....all of us.
So when I'm trying to reassure myself that she won't think too badly of me because of the house, I ask Josiah if her house is really neat and clean. Sobering thought: He answered quietly, "I don't ever compare anyone elses house to ours because ours is always the worst". OUCH! He wasn't trying to be mean or anything. Just speaking the truth. Well, I delegated jobs (even to Aidan. lol) and we got it done. Not the dinner part, though. I just don't have the energy for that long process of working with one pot and a skillet and one burner. But this is what I realized: I need help. This is not normal. I can make all the excuses in the world and blame a variety of circumstances that have occured over the years but the truth is....I'm a mess. I have been the butt of some real painful jabs from "the man" and his various cohorts. Granted, he's a pretty mess pack rat himself. But I'm the one who got yelled at and called "White Trash" in front of the neighbors.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think if I was someone else reading this....whoa..the images that would be going through my head! I don't have piles and piles of collections covering every surface and seating area. Our house is relatively functional. You can move through the house, use a relatively clean bathroom (once a week I clean it), sleep on clean sheets (my one thing I'm anal about), have clean laundry (you have to sort through it on my bedroom floor, but it's clean. lol), have healthy food to eat, etc. It's just the DAILY MAINTENANCE that is severely lacking. Imagine with 5 people living in a 1,000 sq ft house (or maybe it's 900, I'm not sure), it piles up FAST. I have trouble enforcing a routine or chore list or some such thing. I come home from work and I feel nearly vegetative. But on the weekends, I should make up for it, on the weekends I don't work. But I don't. I chill and seriously, the last thing I want to do is clean.
Okay, I'm rationalizing. I need prayer and I need to take action. I feel like I am hopeless and will never be cured of this sickness. I don't want it to take what happened to my poor neighbor on Post ....DSS came in and took her kids and placed them with friends because of her house. She was devastated. She was a sweetheart and a good, attentive mom. They brought her husband home from Iraq and everything because of it. A lot of good came out of it for her and she eventually became a changed woman, for the better. But oh the pain and heartache and embarrassment she endured first.
I don't want that to happen to me. I know that I have phases where I am on top of things. But then there are times like now where things are on top of me. :-( I don't want to suffer from C.H.A.O.S. anymore. Pray for me, y'all. Thanks. :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment