What's it All About, Alfie?

I know, I know..... I play around with my blog more than I actually post. lol It's my mindless creative outlet. But actually adding WORDS feels like I'll blow a cerebral cortex or something. This was supposed to be my blogger header but I can't get blogger to cooperate. This is the same template I used when I first started blogging and used a custom header. I can't figure out why it won't show up now. BTW, the background paper is a freebie by Jesse Edwards at Designer Digitals.

Maybe it's the significance of the start of a new year and all that that entails, but I'm rethinking blogging. Not rethinking as in quitting (heavens no!) but I'm having a "What's it all about, Alfie?" moment. I'm thinking about content and asking myself "what's the point?", "what's the desired outcome?" and just a basic "Exactly WHY do I blog, anyway?" My question used to be: "does anyone actually READ this drivel?" and I found out that I had a modest fan base. lol Which made me a very happy camper. But now I feel like it's not my blog anymore. I mean it is, but I feel that sense of "responsibility" that has plagued me throughout life of having to be a "role model, example, encourager" etc. Then there's one of the other problems I have: wanting people to like me. It's weird. I don't see myself as the "typical" people pleaser..... I mean, I'm quite assertive and have NO trouble being confrontational when necessary (and sadly, sometimes when it's NOT necessary) or cutting myself off from toxic people, unless I'm married to them. :-( . But I've got me some rejection issues. Yeah, yeah, I know..... some of you that know me well are saying, "gee, that's an understatement!" lol and what if **gasp** people see the REAL me and know for a certain truth that I'm a nutcase? What if people think, "uh, she's WEIRD and she can't be in our circle anymore" ? I mean like "weird" not in an ACCEPTABLE way. Geez, it seems that that insecurity surpasses age, doesn't it? Or am I the only one? lol

So, I'm having a moment.

Crud, now the flippin moment passed..... I lost my train of thought, I got out of my groove because I went into the kitchen to grab something to munch on, got sidetracked watching a little of the snowboard competition with Liam (did you know that Shawn White is only 22 yrs old?), then loaded the dishwasher and preheated the oven for a pizza (Uno Grille flatbread bbq chicken. yum). Now, I'm back at the puter, Aidan is awake and I can't find the passion that was coursing through me. CRUDCRUDCRUD.

*Sigh* This IS my life. :-)

I'm just going to stare at that picture of Matthew. :-)