Adult A.D.D., Broken Camera & a Divorce Lawyer

So.....I finally made an appt with my doc to talk about me having Adult ADD.....about 20 yrs too late, but hey. I did my research on symptoms, causes, meds, behavior management without meds, etc. Yup. No doubt about it. Now, it's like a light bulb has gone off in my head. How did I not see this before??? Denial. Rationalization. Excuses. Blame. Justification. I want to go into his office and be like, "okay, here are my notes and my research...this is my conclusion...give me these particular meds at this dosage and then we will monitor it and see if possibly we need to switch to this other med, in the event of these particular side effects....." lol Yes, indeedy, I am Rusha's daughter. (Thanks, Mom. :-) ) So, I was 25 minutes late to my appt. There's just a 10 minute window for lateness. The receptionist says I have to reschedule...did I need something real soon. I said, "well, considering that this was an appt for me having ADD and I was LATE for it and chronic lateness is a big problem for people with ADD...I'd say that would be a yes." lol She smiled, made the appt for 9:30 but when she handed me the printout, she said, "ok, now your appt is at 9 o'clock". I said, "huh? ... but you said..." She gave me a firm, slightly mischievous look and said, "nooo.....your appt is at NINE O'CLOCK...don't look at the paper". I laughed so hard and told her that she figured out something in 5 minutes what it took some friends years to figure out.....tell me things are a half hour earlier than they are so that I'll be there on time. lol Too funny. My only concern with ADD meds is that they don't take away my quirky personality. If I'm all serious and sedate all the time....well, my friends would probably call my doctor themselves, lol.....but life would be so boring.

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Well, my camera broke last night. Yes, my "baby", my Nikon D70, my pride and joy, the source of infinite blessing.....bought the farm. Well, it didn't exactly "buy the farm" but it is definitely "talking to the real estate agent", so to speak. lol (hold on, need to refill my coffee cup. lol) I was taking pictures and the zoom ring was slightly jammed more than usual (it got sand in it at the beach and has limited range). But this time, it wouldn't move at all. So I gave it a little twist and the whole freakin thing broke apart and some strange piece fell out of the guts (don't you hate when that happens? lol). The lens rings were hanging and I could see inside it. It was not pretty. I was in such shock that I felt like I was going to stop breathing and pass out. So, I called Angela and she "talked me down from the ledge". There's a camera shop in town that could probably fix it (for a "small" fee) but if I had that kind of money, I'd keep my van from being repossessed (2 months past due & 'the man' won't pay it)....I'd pay my utilities and my phone that I have no money for .... ::sigh:: I find it interesting that it happened on the anniversary of when 'the man' first kissed me and first said he loved me, considering he bought that camera for me with his combat pay after one of his deployments . And it wasn't cheap at all (and if you knew how he is about money, you'd know that was an act of love. lol)

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I finally broke down and made an appt with a lawyer. The 30th was the one year mark of when he walked out on us (he came back periodically but still stuck to wanting a divorce). It's time for me to move on. The only thing holding me back from the divorce is the medical insurance. But I got a call back about a job and I'm pretty sure it has benefits. I have to check. I'm waiting to hear back. So if I can get medical insurance, then I don't need to hold onto the dead weight of this decayed marriage. My appt with the lawyer is today. It's just a consultation but it will help me make a game plan. Pray for clarity and peace for me and FOCUS (in light of the first entry in this post. lol) and that no bunny rabbits or cats or any other distracting thing crosses my line of vision while I'm trying to spell things out for the attorney. LOL My horoscope was interesting for today (remember what I've said about what I think about horoscopes, if God can speak through a jackass in the Bible, then He can tell me stuff through this, too) I don't want to feel all verklempt and locked up with the inevitable emotions that are going to be vying for attention. I want to stick to the facts. I'm not going to lie, I love him very much. It's true. I still cry when I look at pictures and remember the happy times. But it is what it is and I MUST move on. He left a long time ago and God has released me to let go. I've fought the good fight and I've finished the test.

December 04, 2008

1. Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)

   If you need an attitude adjustment, you need to come up with a different strategy for working through your emotions. Today, instead of feeling all of your feelings and then getting overwhelmed, move them up to your brain -- and start thinking them through. Take each emotion one at a time -- identify what you are feeling and then analyze it. Is it helping you live a happier life or making you feel bad about yourself? The answers to these questions will help you move past negative feelings.