Update

I was just wondering if more than a couple people really read all of this blather I post on my blog. Like, if I just wrote, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, GINGER, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, GINGER" would anyone notice? lol

I was at Womack all morning, chasing Wonder Tot around while we waited for his pre-op appt. That kid wears me OUT! They misplaced his folder after we checked in so everyone that came in after us, got to go in before us. I spoke up, but didn't really need to. lol His cranky, no nap, no food self got them moving in high gear. He was pretty pleasant....and energetic!...the first couple of hours but then he had enough. lol I swear, everywhere we go, that boy thinks he's the Welcoming Committee. And he was FASCINATED with the floor buffer. Like, IN AWE, kind of fascinated. One of the things I love about him is that he has the ability to pull smiles out of people. Even the faces of some grumpy looking soldiers lit up when he'd stop, wave and say, 'huh?' when they'd talk to him.

Okay, so his surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am tomorrow. We have to be there at 6:15. hahahahahahha......oh...no...wait....seriously? He'll be getting general anesthetic and a breathing tube in his throat. The breathing tube part brought tears to my eyes. Bad memories. We've worked so hard with him to get him to eat and hoping for the best for his speech, this past year. Funny, but even though this is minor compared to what he went through that first month of his life....I'm still nervous, feel queasy thinking about it, scared..... I think I'll take an extra pill tomorrow for my nerves. I'll probably be fine until they take him from my arms. I was feeling sad, thinking about his daddy not being there. But it's just as well. No matter what I tell myself, it won't be the same as last time, when Aidan was hospitalized. He won't be the knight in shining armor, being strong for us, holding me when I get worried, looking out for the baby AND me. Plus, he'd probably bring his skanky mistress, Point 5, and I'd be calling one of y'all to come bail me out of jail (but, oh it would be sooo worth it...... ;-) ). I did break down and call him this afternoon to tell him about the surgery. He asked what it was for and that was it. He was so cold to me. I also felt sick when I had to go to patient administration to register the baby for tomorrow. The last time I was in that office was when they had lost Gabriel's body and the guy that had taken my paperwork was rude to me (mind you, my baby had just died). So the last time we were in there, Clinton was in full-blown NCO mode and chewed the guy out when I told him then chewed out the supervisor, saying, "What do you mean you lost his body?? How do you lose a body??? I'm taking my family to lunch and when I get back, YOU BETTER have my son's body". Seems that for major crisis, he would rise to the occassion and take care of us and be strong for us. I felt such strong love, respect and admiration for him at those times.

Anyway, moving right along....... that man is dead. He doesn't exist for this family anymore. He exists for himself. His own comfort. His own needs. Whatever.

Gotta pick up the kiddos and run MORE errands. Will update with some more crap that no one will read, later. lol (I know that there are my faithful few that I pay to read my blog and I appreciate it. Mwah!)