E-Harmony

So my best buddy says, "Just for the heck of it, let's join eHarmony and see what we come up with" Me: "ehhhh.....I don't know" Her: "Come on, it'll be fun. We're both lonely and wouldn't it be nice if we found someone just to have fun with once in awhile." Me: "well, okay." Her: "Okay, now don't wuss out on me".

Now, her and I have been friends forever (I'll refer to her as, "IDK my BFF Jill?" lol). Conversations that start out like the above-mentioned one usually end several hours later with one of us saying, solemnly, "we really shouldn't have done that" and the other one saying, "yeah, but DAMN it was fun!" LOL So, a couple hours later, after we finished the freakin Personality Profile questionnaire from hell (or as I like to call it, "the eHarmony SAT test")........ oh my goodness, this thing was long as heck and asked the funniest questions. We were on instant messenger together (cuz she's in PA), laughing our butts off and asking each other's opinion....."on a scale of 1-7, how bossy am I?" "do you think I'm competitive?" "which 4 traits would you use to best describe me?" and of course, they didn't give you options of what we REALLY would've said about each other (horny, drunk, bitchy, crazy...... lol). Then there was the big one: should we really tell the truth cuz it might make us look bad? ha ha
Some questions were funny. My personal favorite was: "do you prefer to stay away from people who have emotional swings?" I laughed and said, "heck, if I answer yes, then I can't even hang out with MY OWN SELF or MOST of the people I LOVE!" Then there was, "do you like to look at the opposite sex?" HUH? No, I prefer to just close my eyes and sniff them then feel their faces like I'm Helen Keller. What kind of question is that? lol

But I'm not looking for the next Mr. Wonderful. I'm not really looking at all. And frankly, I've given up on the possibility that I WILL be in a love relationship again. I might be a dreamer but this is one thing that I'm a realist about: I'm old, fat, wrinkled, flabby, moody, missing teeth and have 4 kids and no income. No man in his right mind would hit that. I have a Superman figurine hanging from my rear view mirror and one day, while we were driving around, it kept falling off, landing in the funniest positions in the strangest places. We were laughing and Josiah said, "See, our family is so messed up, even Superman can't handle us!" True dat, Wonder Teen.

Now, don't get me wrong. I miss being in love. I miss everything about love and romantic relationships. I miss the way it makes me feel and my outlook on life. I miss someone being in love with me. I miss someone thinking I'm beautiful and amazing and interesting to spend time with. I miss having someone to do things for and show love to. I miss being desired, not just for sex but for my mind and my companionship and my humor and my friendship, most of all.

But I've decided I'm not cut out for it. I don't have what it takes. Apparently, I don't know how to do it right. Now, my kids, my family, my friends? I think I do a bang up job loving them......although, I've really been neglecting my extended family and friends lately (sorry, guys, I'll work on that....as soon as I can get my head out of my a$$). But men? Not sure what I'm doing wrong there but my experience seems to be that I'm not worth the truth, the time or the effort. I'm too much work. And I guess that's okay for now and how it should be. And I should just trust that God has the right one for just the right time. But man, God needs to start preparing him now because I'm a nut case. Seriously, I'm so moody and temperamental and hyper and opinionated sometimes.... a lot of the time. And our house is often like a 3-ring circus. Lots of noise and movement and crazy antics. lol

I might sound desperate, like I'll just take whatever guy wants me. But I'm not. I'm fine with just me and the kids. I want peace and harmony and contentment and passion (chemistry is a must) but most importantly, God's will and blessing. But there's still the girly side of me who wishes she had someone to get dressed up for and flirt with and hold hands with and of course, kiss. :-)

So anyway, back to the eHarmony profile....I go through the whhhooollleee process only to get to the end and have them say, "We're sorry. We are unable to register you at this time because you are still married". WTH? I just laughed. In the beginning of the thing, they ask you your status and I put 'separated'. Do ya think they could have head me off at the pass? Noooo. I'm glad I did it though...and actually am glad that it ended there. I'm not ready for all that. Not a relationship. I'm still avoiding the guy down the street who keeps trying to get me to go out with him or the young guy at Family Dollar who called me "gorgeous" when he asked if he could help me (I said, 'oh you're my new best friend because you called me gorgeous' ... I was wearing a baseball shirt, jeans, ball cap and a pony tail and no makeup.... He said, "I'm just stating what is true".) There is a certain friend that I miss hanging out with though, but I'll just have to let that be. I'm too high maintenance....even for my poor friends.