Prayer

Just a quick post to say that I need God's direction in obtaining an attorney....pro bono. "The man" has an attorney but I have no financial resources to get one. He called today to say that he was setting up an allotment of $800, out of which has to come the rent ($695). I am entitled to the BAH type 2 which is $730. Wow, he's being generous with a whole extra $70 out of his paycheck. He also said that he is not paying the van payment anymore. He said that it was my problem now. I don't expect him to pick up the tab for all of the expense for this family but gee whiz, there are some things he should've thought about when he decided he was going to up and jump ship. I even offered to pay my half of the van payment each month when I get a job since both of our names are on the loan.

He also said he was in an accident last week that totaled his truck but the insurance company said there was no report of it. I have someone in the Columbus, GA area police dept looking into that for me. See, I wouldn't sign the truck title over to him when he was here (it's paid for and in my name only). I told him to just trade vehicles with me. He said he'd take me to court. Okay, whatever. So surprise, surprise, I get an email that says he was in an accident and then later on in the email says he doesn't have the money to pay for the van. Then today he says he's not paying it again....ever. Silly, silly "man". The weird thing is that I had this strong urge to pray for him on Thursday (the day of the supposed accident) and on Friday. God knows I tried to ignore God's urging. lol And strangely, in addition to praying for his safety, I found myself praying for him with such compassion for a variety of things like I would a dear friend. Ach! Emotions! Who needs 'em?!

Anyway, I sent an email to an attorney that I found on the NC Bar site and am waiting for a reply. I will just keep sending emails to every one that is on the Volunteer Attorney list until I find the right one. I have been attempting to do all of this myself but it is out of my league. I still haven't found a job, despite putting in many applications. Although, I don't have a phone yet so maybe that has something to do with it. lol We are supposed to get one on Saturday but that makes me nervous because that's an expense I don't know if I will be able to pay. One of our chaplains lent us his extra cell phone for this week so that I can take care of some business. I am so thankful for that.

One good thing about "the man" calling today and being rude was that it pissed me off enough to move into action. ha ha I am in Momma Bear Ninja mode now and it's really not wise to piss off a Momma Bear when she's guarding her cubs. :-) Yet and still, I don't want to be full of bitterness, just enough righteous indignation that propels me to make some changes.... changes in myself, changes in circumstances.... I wasn't feeling so mad at him on the phone at first, but rather was trying to see his point of view, but then he started calling me names again and hit my hot spot of making me worry how the children were going to be provided for. We have gone without so much for so long and it was starting to look like a lot at the end of the tunnel when he had to throw in there something to make me worry about the van being taken away. My van is a basic necessity. I'm just about to get a phone and relive that stress of living without that basic necessity for 3 weeks and now I have to worry about my vehicle. I feel like I keep getting chopped off at the knees. I want to REST and just BE and focus on ENJOYING MY CHILDREN instead of worrying every day about basic needs.