Addendum

I already blogged tonight but I have to add this because I want to keep a record of these things for when my rose-colored glasses try to convince me that 'the man' is more than he is, as far as the children are concerned.

Olivia has chicken pox. He knows it. The kids had their first day of school today. And he knows that, too. But when he calls or when I call him to ask him something about the house, does he ask how they are doing or ask to speak them? Well, of course not. And on Sunday, when I went to take them to him to spend the day and the night (after he swore at me the day before about it, amongst other things), he renegged when we got there (and yes, I was 1/2 hr late but tried calling several times to tell him that). So here they were all excited about spending the day with him and when we see him, he's mad at me because he had to wait, saying it was my idea for them to spend the day with him and that his back was really hurting. So he hugs the kids and walks away. I was dumbfounded. There was no way I could put a positive spin on that one for the kids so they didn't see what a negligent ass their father is. It was staring them right in the face. So I said, "well, okay, Daddy's back hurts and he seems a little grumpy today so let's switch gears and think of something fun to do" He had gotten us a hotel room for a couple of days until the house is ready. Which was very appreciated but sad that it took serious strong-arm tactics on my part to make it happen. So I told them that we'd go to Walmart, buy bathing suits (ours were packed up) and school stuff and head to the pool at the hotel. We had fun shopping and at the hotel. When we got to the room, I told the kids to call their Daddy and tell him thank you for the hotel room and that it was nice, etc.

**SIGH** Oh, I'm just going to bed. I'm tired of wasting energy on that man (and again, I use the term VERY loosely). I remind myself every day what Teri said recently, the man I fell in love with and wanted to raise a family with, who was my best friend and who loved me deeply in return....well, that guy doesn't exist anymore. "Ray" may look like Clinton but he's not the guy I loved. That guy is dead. I know I've been going through the mourning process for awhile now. Now, I'm ready to move on. Well, actually, I already started moving on awhile ago.

But dangit! He makes me so mad when he doesn't think of the kids and SHOW THEM. Tonight, Olivia said she missed her Daddy soooo much and she was so mad that he already moved to Georgia. I had to tell her that, no, he didn't, he's still here, staying at Miss ********'s house. She's hurting for her Daddy and the asswipe doesn't even bother to ask to talk to her or see how she's feeling when he called to say he was dropping off the moving truck in front of the new house and about how he can't clear Post until he pays the bill from housing (yeah, I'm totally not falling for that one. The man tells so many lies, I think he loses track of them and/or forgets who he is talking to.) For their sake, I will pretend he is wonderful. But it really gets my dander up that he is not more attentive to them. It's feast or famine and children need WAY more consistency than that. But of course, he goes on and on with his girlfriend and his friends about how the "children are his life"......yeah right. He tries to come off as a good provider for his children, etc., but the proof is too obvious. Yeah, yeah, he loves them. But apparently, he missed the class on how to really show love to your kids and meet their needs.

Okay, rant over......for now. :-)