My Horoscope and My Day

My horoscope for today:

(DISCLAIMER: read one of my earlier posts about how I feel about horoscopes. Just a quick synopsis...if God can speak through a jackass......well, you see what I mean. :-) )


Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)

1. Big changes are coming in your life, and today it might feel like they are all coming at once! This onslaught of activity might be a little overwhelming, but at least you will not be bored! You have control over things, so use your voice and push back if you feel like you're being pushed too far, too fast. People will listen to you -- they care about you and don't want to send you over the edge. Be open and don't worry that you'll look like you can't handle it.

Today, I have an appt with my caseworker at DSS. I haven't met her yet, just having been assigned to her Friday when I was there for the Work First session. But apparently, she's the one that will let me know how to hook up with whatever DSS has to offer people in my sorry situation. I get so sad when I go there. I sit there and think, "My goodness, what am I doing here? I shouldn't belong here." But I do and I'm thankful that there are resources available like that. It's just, well, this isn't the life I ordered. lol And it hits my pride, my sense of worth and value.

My emotions are attempting to shut me down so it's a daily fight for me to keep going. We're down to very little food again and pay doesn't come in until Friday. I got turned down for food stamps the other day which was a big blow to me. They wouldn't even give me the letter of referral to the local food bank because I was turned down for food stamps. She said that while my STBX was living in the house, they count his income, even though I explained the situation to her. He doesn't have any money either. He did say that when his travel pay came in, he wanted to give me money to put down on a place to live.

Not having enough food for the kids always puts me on edge. I just keep reminding myself that I am in transition and that "it came to pass". It didn't come to stay. Yet, the depression lurks around the edges, looking for a chink in my armor in order to seep in and engulf me. I can feel its hot, acrid breath, breathing down my neck, reminding me that it's there.

Well, that's all for now. I need to get busy and clean like a mofo, which provides a good distraction from the crap that haunts and threatens me. What I really want to do is curl up in bed and stare out the window at the trees and blue sky outside.....and stay there all the live-long day.

EDITED TO ADD: Change of plans. Can't go to DSS today because my office is so FLIPPIN cluttered and disorganized that I can't find all the important papers. I used to keep everything in a central location (a zipped binder) but must have put them somewhere altogether. Now I have to muster up the energy (although I'm sure that won't be a problem because I am PISSED at myself right now). Gotta get this place organized. Yeah, I'm not a happy camper right now.