"Wookin Pa Nub"

I'm just coming off of a bad case of strep. It came out of nowhere and knocked me on my keister with the works..... headache, broken glass feeling in my throat, body aches, fever, vomiting, weakness..... just a grand ole time....just me and the kiddos. That is ONE thing I'll give kudos to "the man" for....he did do a good job of taking care of me when I was sick, taking care of the kids, making sure I had what I needed and got rest, checking on me. Okay, now don't panic, ladies, I'm not having delusions of grandeur and thinking we can try the Ozzie and Harriet thing again. Just giving credit where credit is due. Just to reassure you all, here's a line from one of my new favorite songs by Sarah Evans, "When You Were Cheating": "I'll be glad to take you back just as soon as I stop breathing". :-)

So anyway, at one point, Aidan didn't want to have any parts of not being glued to me and I was hurting so badly. I said to Olivia, "this is one of those things I hate about being a single mother...being sick." She said, "Don't worry, Mommy. Maybe Daddy will come back or you'll meet another man who will take care of you when you're sick." Such a sweetie. Always looking out for her Momma. She's the one who sleeps on the floor of whoever is sick in case they need anything, checks the covers, brings water, etc. I told her she should be a nurse someday.

But it got me thinking (you know, later, after I was actually ABLE to think. lol) that I need to be an example to her of a woman who knows she is complete AS IS. That having a man would be a nice bonus and sure would make the journey more pleasant but that if that never happened, I know that I am complete and capable. I don't know what plans God has for her life but if she never gets married, I don't want her to think she is incomplete if she is not attached to someone. I know she's watching me and she is much more aware of things than I realize. I have to be a positive example to her of strength and grace and compassion and resiliency. I have so many thoughts on this topic on what I need to be for my daughter as she is being shaped into a woman that I'll save for another post.

So the point I'm getting to is that, while I want romance in my life (I'm a girl, what can I say?) and someone to really "get" me and someone to do fun things with, etc. (okay, and yeah, the sex, alright, yeah, I miss the sex! lol), I have to think about the message I'm sending to her. I've been keeping a file on my laptop called, "Wookin Pa Nub" (ok, that's for you old farts who remember Eddie Murphy doing Buckwheat, singing, "Looking for Love") and it started out as a light-hearted way for me to get in touch with what I really want and to keep me from thinking I'm going to grow old alone as some unwanted hag who never found love again. I have wants AND needs on there. Example of wants: drives a muddy jeep; has a voice like Kenny Chesney and a personality like Brad Paisley, etc. lol Examples of NEEDS: open and honest; must love children (lots of them. lol); strong, confident and assertive but NOT VIOLENT or VERBALLY, PHYSICALLY or EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE; a one-woman man, etc. Keeping this list helps me stay focused and patient, not scrambling and desperate.

I came across this website/blog called Single Moms Connect. It is an interesting read. This paragraph, in particular, caught my attention:

"Loving Again begins with understanding yourself!

The journey towards loving again is not about finding the right partner; it is about finding yourself. I planted my hopes and dreams in my marriage. I set what I wanted aside for the sake of the relationship. I stopped asking myself who I was. I knowingly chose to do this because I held in my mind a picture of what love was supposed to be. Love means something else for me today! The first step I took to write a new definition of love was to believe in my ability to stand-alone. I had to learn to love all that I was, to forgive the bad decisions, and to focus on the positive things I had to offer the world. I needed to feel complete, competent and happy on my own."

It was perfect timing finding this, considering the thoughts I was having. :-) But if any of you just so HAPPEN to know a nice guy (MUST be over 30, thank you very much) who drives a muddy jeep, has a voice like Kenny Chesney, a personality like Brad Paisley AND loves kids...well, then, hook a girl UP! :-) Oh yeah, and he's gotta be SINGLE and the FAITHFUL TYPE! :-)