*Sigh*

Well the Time Warner guy just showed up at the door to see if I could pay the bill. I said, "no sir," I knew everything was already turned off (the internet, cable and phone that we had as a bundle with them) and knew he was here to collect the equipment. They had left us basic cable (the first few channels) as a courtesy which gave the kids cartoons to watch but now even that is turned off. It's okay, we've got books, games and toys. :-) I gave him the equipment and he asked me again if I was sure. I said, "yep, we've lost cable, internet and phone and don't have a whole lot of food but that's okay. There's a LOT OF LOVE in this house and I thank God for that. When THAT'S gone, THEN I'll start worrying about our life". He just smiled and said that was a good attitude. I suppose that was a little too much info to tell the cable guy but it's embarrassing when someone shows up at your door, asking you to pay a bill. Plus, I was in a very good mood and was feeling like an overcomer. :-)

Livvy is playing in the play room which is in the front room by the door. She is listening to this AWESOME cd that they got from VBS. They listen to it constantly, dance, laugh and have a lot of fun. Talk about uplifting!! Wow. Awesome lyrics, upbeat music. We have a lot of kids running through here on any given day and they all know the songs now, too. So when I come back into the house after my chat with the cable guy, I hear: "Oh no, You never let go....I will fear no evil for my God is with me. If my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Oh no, You never let go. Through the calm and through the storm. In every high and every low, Oh no, You never let go"

Then the song after that (which is what I have on my answering machine now :-) ) - "Have I not commanded you, Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go....wherever you go."

And then: "I wanna be thankful. I wanna be grateful. I wanna remember all the things the Lord has done"

Then: "There is POWER, POWER, wonder working power in the precious blood of the lamb" I remember years ago, working with the kids in Sunday school. When we'd get to the part of POWER, we'd punch (like POW, picture the old Batman cartoons here) and say we were punching the devil in the nose. Yeah, try being in a room full of energetic 4 year olds (mostly boys) and imagine the comic relief I enjoyed. :-)

Just as a disclaimer: I DO NOT see my husband as my enemy. I AM NOT afraid of him. Yeah, he gets angry and feels out of control and tries making threats in the heat of emotion. Sometimes, he even does knee-jerk reaction stuff because he feel like he has no control. But usually after he calms down, he's not saying stuff like that. We both actually do that. Which has been the main problem over the years. We get hurt or scared or just plain mad, start yelling, threatening or whatever in the heat of the emotion to try to gain the playing field and then calm down and do none of it (well, usually do none of it). The sad part is that when these fights would happen, they were really ugly so we would have to deal with the aftermath. They didn't happen a lot but it would take a long time to clear out the rubble from the fallout...so the EFFECT and the residue would last much longer.

This is a spiritual battle our family is going through. I NEED to get away from the firing line. Sgt Honey needs to be alone with God. I was talking to my doctor yesterday (by the way, I have lost 10 MORE lbs! and my new thyroid dosage is making me feel like a new person). He's a Christian and I have been seeing him for the past 5 years. I told him about how the other day (before the big battle hit) that I was asking God what I should do and I kept hearing, "Fight the good fight". He sat and stared for a minute and he said, "God wants you to finish the test".

Any insight on that, y'all?