No pictures to add today just wanted to post some odds and ends. It's been a long week with it's share of stress. Yuk. But, I challenged myself to focus on the positives and the things that are right in my life. I had to play hard ball too much with my soon-to-be ex, which, truthfully, I hate doing but am very capable of it when it comes to securing the family's well being. I prefer to get along. :-) And seriously, we could get along and I wouldn't have to be a hard a$$ so much if he would try some new concepts, oh like......TELLING THE TRUTH and KEEPING HIS WORD. My goodness, there are sooooo many times since I've known him that our relationship and life in general would function so much smoother if he didn't lie so much and would keep his word. Not to mention, the secretive stuff. The outright lies are hard to deal with but then again so is the silent crap. He thinks he can't speak his mind or have a say but that's not it. I respect someone who speaks up, is confrontational when it's called for and can be assertive when necessary. What I DO NOT respect is aggressiveness instead of assertiveness, put downs, name calling, destructive anger and hiding. I don't even respect it in myself when it happens.

We were getting along fairly well until I found out that he didn't send my allotment to the right bank (after months of requesting) which caused a big problem for me (and sadly, he lied about it) and had stopped the car payment allotment a couple of months ago without telling me or giving me an opportunity to do something. Didn't find out until the repo letter came. It's things like these that make me lose respect for him. I'm not asking him for more money, only that he keep his word about what he SAID he'd give me for the kids and about paying the bills he said he would, especially considering that he got the majority of the tax refund for his own stuff.

I can't make excuses for him anymore. I really don't think he was trying to be vindictive about these things. Although, yes, in December, he was vengeful because that's when he was on his "acting a fool" mode of thinking and behaving. So yeah, I can see that. But when things calmed down in January, I really think he forgot about it. See, he doesn't place a priority on things that are important to me, so then he procrastinates, then he forgets, then there's a huge mess.

So that is the gist of the stress from last week. It revolved around those two things. On the plus side, I went on a job interview to do photo restoration for a photography company using Photoshop CS3. I made a good impression but sadly there was a girl who did just a little bit better, a little bit faster on the test. The owner even told me when he had to tell me I didn't get it that he thinks he's making a big mistake by going with this girl but he has a back log of work and needs them finished as quickly as possible. Oh well. The interview experience was confidence boosting in itself. So I'm still looking through the paper and have put the word out with my friends about work. I soooo wish I could find another job working with photoshop. If I'm going to farm my kids out to daycare and after school care, at least I could be doing something that I really like and am good at. I still feel sick about putting Aidan in daycare, it's just not natural to do that, but I have no choice (which pisses me off if I let myself think about it). My kids lost their dad as a major part of their lives and now they are going to lose their mother, too. Yeah, really pisses me off. Better go now and focus on positive things. :-)