My Pick Me Up

I'm working on making CHOICES for happiness. Little choices, moment by moment. There's no other way to be. If I don't make a conscious decision to CHOOSE HAPPINESS and the things that facilitate that, then I'm going down for the count. I have too many people depending on me.

I watched a great movie the other night, "Into the Wild", the true story of Christopher McCandless who went on a journey across the US with the Alaskan wild as his final destination. It was very poignant and provocative, causing me to reflect on essentials, non-essentials, truth, freedom, loss, connection.... One of the lines that stuck with me from the movie was a referral to the mother's demeanor as being "softened by the forced reflection that comes from loss".

As much pain as I have felt intermittently through this whole separation and demise of our family as a whole, I have seen good things develop in me. I'm remembering what strength and personality lies within me. I feel like I put a cloak over myself, only peeking out occassionally....like the Bible says about hiding your light under a basket. This separation, in a bittersweet way, has been good for me in FINDING ME again. That sounds like psycho babble but it is true.

I've been listening to Martina McBride's song, "Anyway". It has really served as tremendous encouragement even though it always makes me cry. :-) Tomorrow is Aidan's first birthday and just remembering how I thought life was over this time last year. I didn't think I could make it, everything looked so dire. But, WOW! I look at all that has transpired this past year in the way of the MIRACULOUS and I think, God has never let me down before and He's not going to start now. There's an old Imperials song that came to me yesterday: "You didn't bring us this far to leave us. You didn't teach us to swim to let us down. You didn't build Your home in us to move away. You didn't lift us up to let us down".

Here's the lyrics to Martina's song: "ANYWAY"

You CAN spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You CAN chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all YOUR heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love em anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah I do it anyway, YEAH,

You can pour your soul out singin'
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah sing it anyway, YEAH, YEAH

I sing
I dream
I love anyway, yeah.