Off to a Not-So-Good Start....

Well, it's Monday morning and so far, it's not off to a good start. Sure hope this is no indication of what the week has in store. I'm only 3 hours into this Monday and already I've had to bite my tongue too many times over people being irresponsible and selfish. I need to get back to my "calm center" (if I could figure out where the heck it is....it was around here somewhere. lol). I can't control the stupid crap others do so I have to redirect my energies into something positive and productive. I can hear my Mom's "famous" line now: Life's not fair. Deal with it. :-) I can't stand it when people are unfair to me or to others. I can't stand it when I get too self-centered and am not fair to others either. It especially boils my blood when my children suffer for others unfairness and self-focused pursuits. Yeah, I'm talking about their father. Agh!!! That man makes me so mad sometimes. I don't even want to talk about right now (still looking for my calm center.....). He's just not very "others" oriented, not even for his own family, and so often that is what annoys the pee out of me. Our vantage point is so different and my mistake is that I expect him to see things from the same perspective as me (in regard to the family dynamic and the needs of the children). But he just doesn't. I don't think he's capable of it. Maybe this time away from us will help shape that but who knows. I don't really care. He has taken me and the children for granted. Will be interesting to see how "wonderful" life is for him when he is all alone in another state. The children and I will survive and thrive. I'm too stubborn to have it any other way. I will make sure my children are taken care of, regardless of his neglect.

Okay, vent over. I just get so frustrated over the way he views things. He will hold fast to what his "legal" obligations are and have no care about what his "moral" obligations are. He will put his own needs and self-preservation first before me or this family. Hell, he'll take care of his soldiers or fellow soldiers families before he'll take care of his own. Yesterday, I asked him to stop and get some groceries because the kids were starving and my bank account was temporarily frozen. What does he do? Goes to the mall to try and buy clothes for himself then goes to the bar until one in the morning for his weekly "guy time". Fortunately, the kids had won vouchers for free meals at area fast food places because of reading books at school, etc. I have no problem with his weekly social time. He works hard. He needs a break. I get it. But I believe that responsibilities should always come first then you use whatever time and money you have left in order to play. Not to mention that I had my once a month killer headache yesterday accompanied by these crazy dizzy spells I've been getting. Whenever he has a bad headache, I do the Florence Nightengale thing and take care of him. In fact, yesterday morning, I did that very thing. But when it came time for me.....that was a different story. I wasn't even asking him to take care of me. I was just asking him to take Aidan so I could rest and try to get rid of it. I just wanted him to take care of the kids and feed them, etc. so that they would not need me for a couple of hours. Heck, the kids are more helpful and nurturing than he is.

He's in for a rude awakening when he is all alone. What goes around comes around. The same "rules" he uses to treat his loved ones will be used against him and he will grow old and lonely. If a man doesn't put his family first, then he's not really a man. He really needs to get a hold of the concept that when you have a family, you can't just do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it.

Alright, I thought the vent was over. Apparently not. lol