Happy New Year!!

"FIELD ARTILLERYMEN ('s wives) DO IT WITH A BANG!!" to 'remix' a bumper sticker we used to have. (so far, I'm still his wife and he's still a field artilleryman although both of those things will change in the coming months. lol)

So, anywhoozy, I rang in the New Year with my first time firing a gun. Wow!! The guys were warning me that it was going to knock me on my a$$ but I didn't even lose my footing. Yeah, Momma! They were like, "whoa, you're putting us to shame" and I know they were just trying to make me feel better but oh.my.goodness...... I had so much adrenaline pumping that I was like a junkie, "oh.yeah.i.wanna.do.it.again.....oh please, can I do it again?!?!" (and I did!) My shoulder hurt but I was disappointed that there was no bruise this morning. lol

This is a brand new year. It marks a fresh start, a do-over, a mulligan.....in a way it never has before. It was appropriate for me, in the first minutes of the New Year, to do something bold that I had never done before.

Despite all of the negative and sad, hurtful and mean things that have come out of this separation and impending divorce, I have been seeing some really positive things. Of course, that's when I ALLOW God to show me. I get so caught up in pointing out (to myself and others) "how that man done did me wrong" that I don't see the positive things.

Here are a few that are just off the top of my head:

1. I'm doing some soul searching and personal inventory and *DANG*, I've got some serious "decluttering" to do on my own self.....talk about baggage and just plain CRAP.....yukky poo stuff that I've let build up and need to clear out. I'm way too flippin emotional.
   
2. Our big same old, same old, just-existing, boring, depressing rut of a marriage got some SERIOUS shaking up. Man, we were wasting our days not really LIVING and just accepting that that was how it had to be. What a horrible example for our kids. The Bible says that God has "given us LIFE and that MORE ABUNDANTLY" What an insult to our Creator and the One we made our marriage covenant with to NOT take advantage of all of the LIFE He has to give us
   
3. We're both starting to take more interest in our own personal appearance. Not sure what that has to do with it but I've noticed we're doing that. We're dressing nicer (not just pj's doubling as "outside" clothes. lol). I got my 'way past due for a do' hair done and actually style it everyday. I've been wearing makeup and losing weight. We've both been losing weight. He finally got some up-to-date clothes that (I have to say this) make him look hot (hey, he might be divorcing me but I'm still very attracted to him)
4. We're paying closer attention to the money
5. We've been taking care of things (responsibilities) that have been long neglected (he fixed his truck, I've been decluttering the house, etc.)
6. We've been so worried about how this whole thing is affecting the kids that we've been more attentive to them
7. For me, I've been noticing his good qualities more. That is.... when I stop getting offended and paranoid and am able to get over my crazy, emotional self . lol I'm stepping back and admiring when he is assertive, taking initiative, doing things on his own and well, frankly, actually participating in life and the world around him (keep in mind, this is not how I always am. Usually, I'm pissed off at him because he "dares" to challenge me now or not let me get my way. lol)
8. Occasionally having a drink or two together makes us much more pleasant and agreeable with each other. :-)
9. I need to dance more. Makes me feel soooo much better about just about anything. Light-heartedness suits me, for sure!
   

Well, those are just things off the top of my head. Sad how it has to take losing something vital and important before you really start to see the great, awesome things about it. Soooooo much time has been wasted over the years focusing on and magnifying the stupid crazy stuff we both hate about each other and not really seeing the beauty. I have to just take what I'm learning about myself and how I function (or don't function) in relationships into my new life. No matter what, we will be partners for years to come in parenting these beautiful children we've created and raised together.

Well, here's to a fresh new start full of TRUE LIVING. Happy New Year Y'All!! I've been listening to David Gray's song, "This Year's Love", today (on that long drive back to NC from PA) and I will leave you with these words:

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last