Bittersweet

Mom, Dad and Nola came down for this Labor Day weekend. They just left for the long drive back to PA. I feel a little bit numb inside. I loved having them here and the normalcy of it all. Nola slept here and Mom and Dad stayed in a suite at the Landmark Inn up the street. For a couple of days, it was like living in the same neighborhood. :-)

I feel torn. I love our house and our neighborhood (it is perfect for our family).....the proximity of the schools (and the school system itself), the Community Center and the PX/Commissary, the security of living on Post. But I miss the everydayness of being near family. I have a lump in my throat thinking about it right now. I know that we would never be able to afford a house as nice as this if we were back in the civilian world. We don't make very much money at all in the Army but the $945 housing allowance affords us a large, brand-new house on Post (for the first time... we used to get the old, small houses) that we would never be able to have if we had to pay the mortgage ourselves. It would be hard to find a house big enough for a family of 6 that we could afford on one salary. Oy.....and don't even get me started on being able to afford medical insurance (just an aside, Aidan's medical bill at Duke alone for that month was almost $34,000 that's not even counting the delivery and my 2 hospital stays at Womack)!

But time flies by so fast. I wish I could just spend more "normal" times with my family. The times we do get to spend together are always for a short holiday or event where there is so much bonding to cram into such a brief amount of time. I wish the kids had more opportunity to do normal things with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I want them to know their extended family and to experience the benefits of knowing them. In my opinion, this is the hardest part of military life.....not being with family. I try my best to keep connected but sometimes life gets hectic and too much time goes by.

Seeing everybody this weekend was a blessing beyond words for all of us. But, by the same token, it is bittersweet because the initial hello is always followed by the eventual goodbye. This is the part that is so hard. I love my family sooooo much. They are amazing, wise, witty, compassionate, loving, nurturing people. I just wish there was more time to connect before time runs out.